SCORE THE FOLLOWING FROM 1 TO 10:

1. How emotionally connected do you feel to your spouse over-all?

2. How content are you with your marriage in general?

3. Ability to negotiate and resolve conflicts.

4. Ability to reconnect after you fight or disagree without any left over bad feelings?

5. Spiritual compatibility, i.e. how in sync are your values, goals, and priorities?

6. Setting boundaries to make sure your relationship is your top priority.

7. Making quality time for each other like a date night

8. How satisfied are you with your sex life?

9. Over-all degree of positive feelings vs. negative feelings.

10. Ability to talk openly about your sex life and sexual needs.

11. Quality of praise, encouragement and positive feedback.

12. Degree of kindness and effort to give each other pleasure.

13. Amount of unfinished business, i.e. important issues that you feel have not been addressed. (10=none;1= a lot)

14. How much anger and resentment do you have towards your spouse?

15. Ability to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and needs?

16. Ability to be vulnerable without defensiveness or fear.  .

17. How well do you listen to each other?

18. Supporting and building each other up?

19. How emotionally safe do you feel with your spouse?

20. Acceptance of your spouse’s weaknesses and personality differences.

21. How well does your spouse meet your core female emotional needs (to be cherished) or your core male emotional needs (respect and support)?       

22. Level of team work.

23. Respect and admiration for each other.

24. How much do you trust your spouse?

25. How much do you feel your spouse cares about your feelings and needs?

26. How well do you connect with each other throughout the day?

27. How nicely and respectfully do you speak to each other?

28. How much do you love your spouse?

HOW TO GRADE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Add up your score and divide by 28.

8.8 to 10=A
You’re doing a great job of connecting emotionally

7.5 to 8.7=B
Your connection is strong.  Be sure to work on the scores under 7.

5.5 to 7.4=C
Some marriage coaching is in order.  Take immediate action on scores under 5.

4.0 to 5.4=D
You seriously need marriage counseling!

1.0 to 3.9=F
And you’re still married?  How can you take so much pain?

IMPORTANT: Any one issue with a score of 5 or less requires serious attention.

© Dov Heller, 2006