LOVE IS A RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH EACH PERSON VALIDATES AND RESPECTS THE OTHER PERSON’S FEELINGS AND INDIVIDUALITY AND IS COMMITTED TO NURTURING THE OTHER PERSON’S GROWTH, WELL-BEING AND HAPPINESS. THE ESSENCE OF LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP.

Questions to ask about your relationship:

1. How do I feel with this person? Safe? Relaxed? Secure? Happy? Alive? Or Scared? Anxious? Ashamed? Angry? Dead? Misunderstood?

2. How did I feel as a child in my home? With mom? With dad? With siblings?

3. Who does this person remind me of? Mom? Dad? Uncle? Aunt? Etc.

4. Am I in love with this person?

5. Do I feel this person respects me and wants me to be myself and develop my individuality and potential?

6. Does this person accept me for who I am?

7. Can I express my feelings and thoughts openly and honestly?

8. Does this person provide a “home for my feelings?”

9. Do I feel criticized, invalidated, or shamed by this person?

10. What style of communication do we mostly use? Passive? Aggressive? Or Assertive?

11. Can I express my needs and preferences openly?

12. Can we disagree without fighting?

13. Can we work together as a team and problem solve together?

14. Can we repair our breakdowns 100%?

15. Do I fully trust this person with my life, my feelings, my money, and my children?

16. Do we help each other to grow and become better people? Can we give each other constructive feedback?

© Dov Heller, 2007